If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
