Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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