It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
