the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
