just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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