I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
