would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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