About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
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The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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