Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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