I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
