We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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