You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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