You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
