At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
