you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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