Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
