One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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