I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
