i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
