my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
