Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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