just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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