I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Randomize
