I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
