So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
