So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
