I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
