I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
