mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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