That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize