She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
