i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
