Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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