It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
