My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
