Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
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No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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