I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
