when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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