wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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