I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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