you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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