The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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