Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
