Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
