its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
