I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
