I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
