just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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