Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
