i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
