MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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