I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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