if i can run in heels then i can drive
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
