TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
