All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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