you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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