Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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