For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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