There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Four minutes until I can fart!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
