So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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