WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Still dying that you shit outside
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
