My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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