last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you never un-have a 4some
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
