you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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