Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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