so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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