Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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